I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
