You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
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beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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