She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
