matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
