I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
