I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
