Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
