you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
