I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
