How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
