ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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