I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Bring me that man meat
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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