FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
