she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
