Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
