I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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