Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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