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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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