I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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