I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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