i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
