I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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