Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
