Don't you send me to vm
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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