I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
