I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
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Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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