She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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