I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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