she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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