Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY