she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Better not shit yourself at the gym.