You work out of a Hotel?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.