i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
