Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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