It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
