did you get engaged???
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
