the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
