I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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