Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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