We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
