he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
