some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
