He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
