Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
