Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
