i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
