toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
