i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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