I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
