You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
