I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
