I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize