he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
