Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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