well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
