Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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