i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
