I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
