Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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