I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
false alarm, still single
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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