The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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