The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
