OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
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Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love