Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms