yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!