Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy