I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year