drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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