Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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