do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
