I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
