Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
