Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
