I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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