i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
