I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
