As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
