I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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