He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
