I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
