This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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