i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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