this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
