I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We need to rekindle our bromance
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
