well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
