My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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