he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I will pee on everything he values.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize