lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
