I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
